our dad is a major dickweed today. i fucking KNEW that hats should have just left it alone the last time, but no, she had to text him back trying to make sure he understood the therapy ultimatum.
so i guess he got up this fine morning and decided to compose a fucking epic of his innocence and send it off before he got to work. sure i’ve been low lately but pretty much everyone else was doing ok. of course he managed to upset us now.
what a twat. this isn’t about resentments it’s about healing, and for fuck’s sake it’s not even our therapist’s IDEA. cutting off contact with him was never our fucking therapist’s idea and we’ve never talked in session about shunning anyone! what the fuck, we make a mature adult choice and can’t even get the credit for it? who said anything about humiliation? who said anything about ANYTHING except that to talk to us he has to come to therapy with us? that’s a giant fucking leap from those words to U ARE GOING TO SIT ME DOWN AND HUMILIATE ME AND SHE IS GOING TO DIRECT U HOW BECAUSE SHE HAS IT IN FOR ME. what the actual fuck?! and anyhow, i don’t think we even specified we needed to go to HER? he can pick any fucking therapist he wants and as long as we talked to them on the phone briefly beforehand to make sure they weren’t a fucking nut, i don’t think we’d care. we just wanted a chance to heal our family but obviously it has been twisted into a witch hunt.
y’know i was even gonna make a cheap shot about how ILLUSION is the right word for his idea that they were good parents, but it’s just fucking stupid, i don’t even think he was a BAD parent, i just think he was a selfish codependent enabler for our mom and he put her needs way before ours which sometimes meant he was really neglectful. he has got the total wrong end of the stick here, and i know that’s probably part of his plot too, that he would accuse us of this stuff so we will feel the need to defend ourselves and therefore keep the fucking bullshit conversation going. i know that feeling as though they’ve offended their beloved parent and done the wrong thing is really upsetting a lot of the girls, and i think he knows that too, i think he’s being stroppy and victim-y on purpose. what a load of shit, tho.
we don’t have any “resentments to unload” on him, we just want to have a family relationship that isn’t fucked to hell. but what’s the point of saying that? does anyone else get the weird sense that our dad is looking for narcissistic supply? maybe i’ve just been reading too much about NPD but it seems an awful lot like it right now.
our sister may be struggling but she is good for support in this area. she said she was so mad at him for talking to me (hats actually) that way, and that it was just so manipulative and offensive. she said he would never dare talk to her that way and the way he treats me is just unacceptable. when anara suggested she was surprised our father hadn’t tried to convince our sister that we’ve been corrupting her, our sister said that if that was his next tactic he could expect a giant “fuck u, i am an adult and i can make my own fucking decisions,” text in return.
we figured that this latest drama should keep him sated for about a month, and maybe in december we can expect another installment of bullshit. who knows, he might actually leave us the fuck alone now.
it’s really really hard for the girls to not text back. i hope they can be strong. maybe if they write here what they would say it could help.
Bunny: Daddy why are you being so mean?
Anara: Our therapist doesn’t care at all about our situation with you, we have more pressing things to discuss in session like healing from sexual trauma. The decision to cease contact was actually your other daughter’s, you might want to consider why that would be. It is in direct reaction to the things you said to us both in our August meeting, which were extremely harmful. At that time we tried meeting with you without a therapist and it gained no progress and actually did real damage. We do not want to do that again, because we are not foolish enough to keep trying the same things and expecting different results. No one is on trial, the only thing we want is a healthy life. You are not willing to meet and discuss things in a healthy setting and with healthy boundaries, so we do not feel you are healthy for us currently. We hope you can seek your own recovery and healing from the things that cause you pain. We are not, however, causing you pain by seeking healing for ourselves. You ought to be happy and proud that we are healing, and instead you are resentful and accusatory. Please get help.
Dark: i knew we should not have spoken out…forget it…forgive us…
Discobell: I HATE YOU MEAN BOY
Sage: Are your emotions more valid than ours? Still?
little sarah is hiding under blankets in a closet and aimee is trying to coax her out. the very little ones are upset but don’t understand why. a lot of us older ones are annoyed or hurt but able to be ok.
hats is ever the slytherin and her instinct was to go for his emotions. she wanted to hurt him the way he hurt us. she wanted to reply “your mother would be so disappointed in the way you are treating us. she would have told you to suck it up and go to therapy. she would have said your children are more important than any twisted marriage. you know it’s true.”
i think that’s a low blow but i think he needs to hear it from someone. not us tho.
